Mr. Gem

This story, my friends, is the story that spurred me to start this blog. I'm still not sure if it's a good or bad thing to lead with this story. On one hand, you'll definitely be intrigued, shocked, and amused. But at the same time, it might not get worse than this- it's the worst I've seen and the worst my friends have seen. But I guess I'll go for the Shock and Awe approach. No starting small here!

So Mr. Gem and I made an acquaintance on one of the free dating sites. He seemed normal enough at first. Maybe a bit nerdy, but then again, so am I- so I gave him a chance. Bad move, SingleGal. Bad move. Mr. Gem immediately wanted to do two things after we started chatting online- even before we met. One: Hide his dating profile. (RED FLAG! RED FLAG!). Two: Facebook friend right away. Despite being a little seasoned at the online dating thing, I am still way too trusting by default (well, I was until I met Mr. Gem). So we became Facebook friends. 

Mr. Gem and I went on two dates. I wasn't really feeling it after the first date (a brief meetup), and I told him as much. Honesty is the best policy, right? He asked for another chance, so I agreed to go out to dinner for a second date. At this point I was possibly interested in keeping him as a friend if the dating thing didn't work out, so I wanted to learn more about him. 

After that second date, Mr. Gem got a little, erm, fervent in his efforts to persuade me that this was IT romantically. When he sensed a bit of resistance on my part, things started to take a turn for the worse...

This guy will NOT GIVE UP!!! I don't want to bang you every night for a few hours. I don't want to bang you E-V-E-R....

 I really am saying how I feel here...but now he's getting even more aggressive! Yet willing to make compromises by not wanting a "commitment" after two dates. Oh, THANK YOU!

Hello, you didn't get laid because I wasn't into you! I needed to call it a night after that. I had already endured a bad date...wasn't that enough? Here's what I got to wake up to the next morning. YAY!! 

Wait, WHA? Two dates and I have managed to crush his heart because I am the ONE? Wow. I must really be special. Apparently enough to consume ALL of his thoughts...

 

The only thing natural happening now is my instinct to blow chunks! How can you not understand that I don't want you to fight for me??? Please, spare your ASS for someone else.

Mr. Gem, did you miss the partS where I already refused you?! Ooh, but wait, what's that part about orgasmic bliss?! Just kidding. That sounds more like orgasmic BLAHS to me...

Wait. Now I really AM confused. I was supposed to be the one, but now you're calling me bad names? But damn, I'M GOOD. I done messed you up in a week, moreso than your marital relationship of over a decade. Pat on the back for that one, Single Gal. WELL DONE.

Yeah, I decided at this point to SPELL.IT.OUT. And let him know that yes, that ticket he bought to my sporting event was no longer valid.   

Oh, FAB! For once, we are on the same page as far as refusing each other. We're making real progress at this point. But wait... you want me to pay for the dinner that YOU insisted on having? Um, no. Just no.

The BEST part, though, is the puke face. For reals. I was feeling pretty pukey myself, so I'm glad we're still on the same page. 

I'm really sorry you're so delusional, Mr. Gem. Not everyone is going to like you once they meet you, even if you REALLY like them. Get over it. It doesn't mean their opinion is false and unfounded. It's means you're a slimy twerp who has no chance in hell with them.

There's more, but it ends with me blocking contact in every possible manner and threatening police involvement. All jokes aside, lesson learned on this one: go SLOW with getting to know people, and trust your gut. I wish I would have known after the first meet that this one was a Stage 5 Clinger and a sociopath! 

I hope you'll stick around for the rest. The others (so far) are amusing, but not this shocking. I'm hoping it stays that way. I can deal with and laugh at amusing. Psycho clingers? No thanks, I've had my fair share...