Mr. Man-Whore

This is a FANTASTIC story and proof that karma is indeed a mf'ing bitch. Settle in and read on!

About three weeks ago, I met someone online. I shall call him Mr. Man-Whore... you will soon see why. We chatted for a few days and made a date for coffee one afternoon. The date went well and he seemed really nice. Not really Man-Whorish (that would happen later). I had evening plans, but he wanted to get together again that night when I was free. We ended up grabbing a late-night bite to eat. We had been sending some, um, racy text messages even before meeting, so I wasn't surprised when he wanted to come back to my house after the second meeting. And against my better judgment, he did. (I know, I know...)

Fast forward a few days later...he told me through a text that he wasn't quite over his ex-girlfriend and he felt bad about what happened. He told me during our coffee date that he broke up with her a month prior, when he found out she had cheated on him. They had only been dating two months at that point, so I didn't think it would be a major influence on his thinking. I figured the ex-girlfriend thing was just an excuse, but then I noticed that he deleted his profile. Hm, maybe there was actually some truth to what he said? I thought it was a shitty thing for him to be out there fooling around with women if he wasn't over the ex, but I got over it and chalked it up to a lesson learned. He wasn't all that and a bag of chips anyway.

But lo and behold, I logged into the site this week and saw on my 'Activity' page that he reactivated his profile and added new information. Hmm...guess he did get over that ex-girlfriend after all. I mentioned it to my friend (code name: The Temptress) who's on the same dating sites. She offered to contact him just to mess with him. So of course I said HELL YES!!

(For those who need a little help, her messages are in yellow and mine are blue.)

Oh, he bit alright. And mess with Mr. Man-Whore she did. Behold the panache of The Temptress:

 

So Mr. Man-Whore is switching his game up a bit. Now he's not even willing to go on a couple of public dates with someone before attempting to get into their pants! If I was feeling bad about setting this loser up, any regret was gone. GAME ON! 


The Temptress sent me a couple of screenshots from their conversations on the dating site (she's in purple):

 

                

Hm, I guess SingleGal isn't up to par in her world-rocking skills, at least by Mr. Man-Whore's standards. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. At least he's keeping the cheating/threesome stories consistent between women he meets. Is that his line? Women are supposed to feel bad for him because he caught his girlfriend with two other people and immediately lose their pants? Who knows. But he's TOTALLY OK with being the guy in the threesome, FYI. Interesting. Being conniving, vengeful modern women that we are, we decided to use that little tidbit to our advantage:

So The Temptress set up a coffee date with Mr. Man-Whore for this very morning. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that Mr. Man-Whore is a former Marine. Aren't Marines supposed to live up to some kind of superior moral code? I thought so...copied right from the US Marines webpage...
 

"Honor This is the bedrock of our character. It is the quality that empowers Marines to exemplify the ultimate in ethical and moral behavior: to never lie, cheat, or steal; to abide by an uncompromising code of integrity; to respect human dignity; and to have respect and concern for each other. It represents the maturity, dedication, trust, and dependability that commit Marines to act responsibly, be accountable for their actions, fulfill their obligations, and hold others accountable for their actions."

But I digress. Back to the main story, the SingleGal-Temptress collusion!

 I told The Temptress that who knows what he was capable of, so best to play it coy and pretend she didn't know that Mr. Man-Whore and I had already met. The Temptress is also a modern, free-spirited woman, so I can't blame her for wanting to get something out of it other than the satisfaction of setting Mr. Man-Whore up. But I advised her not to go there:

 So today, Wednesday, was THE day. The Temptress vs. Mr. Man-Whore. It was on like Donkey Kong!! I, of course, wished my fearless friend luck...not that she needed it.


 Mr. Man-Whore started the day primed and ready to roll for his date, and definitely in planning mode:

I'm sure you're thinking, "SingleGal, get to it already. What happened? Did she out him or what?!?!" Drumroll, please...

Wait for it, wait for it....

 OMG! RETRIBUTION PERFECTION. I am actually surprised that he admitted to having met me, especially because The Temptress was playing it coy like she didn't know.

 I have to give BIG BIG PROPS to The Temptress for being an amazing accomplice in taking Mr. Man-Whore down. Hopefully he learned his lesson and he's done with being a little too big for his proverbial britches and trying to fuck women from the get-go.

Given that The Temptress also has an online dating presence and has some interesting stories of her own, what do you think about having her as a guest blogger on occasion? I think it's an absolutely splendid idea.

Happy Hump Day, folks...hope you got a big laugh like The Temptress and I did. Just think twice about who you try to hump today. ;)

-SG

Mr. Mixed Messages

Here's another one from the growing list of freaks who contact me online:


Again, I seem to have lost this one! :(    Working on finding it....

Pardon me, but what exactly about my profile suggests I'm a hot mess? Maybe it's a little sarcastic and not very serious, but I think it's pretty clear that I've got my shit together. This guy does too... he realizes that the fastest way to a woman's heart is to insult her. How's that working for ya, pal?

But regardless of the hot mess comment, this fella thinks I'm inCREDible and NEEDS to know more about me. Trust me, the only thing this guy NEEDS is a click of the 'Block Profile' button...and a snorkel mask drawn by yours truly. And a sleeping mask. He's much better looking that way, trust me. I just hope I don't run into him in the men's room somewhere. 

Mr. Bubbles (Take 2) and Mr. Cheapo (x2)

Remember Mr. Bubbles, who I wrote about a couple of posts back? The one who said he had to figure things out with the ex, yet had a new profile picture up the next day? Well, Mr. Bubbles needs to remember that women get a list of every single loser who views their profile online. Two weeks after we stopped talking, guess who viewed my profile? Yep, Mr. Bubbles himself.

So as part of my mission to put these creeps on full blast, I texted him...


(Now....you'll have to forgive me here, folks...I seem to have lost the screenshot forever. SORRY! But I will do my best to re-cap the conversation...)

Me: Looking at my xxxx profile again, are ya? Wondering what you missed out on? 

Bubbles: Oops... you caught me.

Me: You should know better! I'm going to put this on my blog!

<crickets>

Little does he know this is blog post #2! That honor is reserved for extra special creeps.

Speaking of creeps, I had a couple of dates scheduled this weekend. Nothing big...one was coffee, and the other was a casual lunch. Now, I'm an old fashioned girl. If a man is going to invite me out on a date, I expect him to cough up the cash and cover my drink/meal/whatever. I'm not alone on this, am I, ladies?? Saturday was a coffee date at Starbucks. I arrived first and waited for him to get there. I ordered my beverage first, and he made no attempt to add his order onto mine, or to pay for my coffee. WTH?? I'm glad this date was only for coffee, because it was like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going. Lots of gazing around the store (man, that Tazo tea display is INTERESTING) and uncomfortable silence. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

So fast forward to Sunday. Gorgeous day to have lunch outside, and I was hoping to have better conversation than the day before. We went to a place where you write down your order on a slip, and give it to the cashier to pay. He approached the cashier first, and paid for his slip only. Again, WTH? At least the conversation was decent this time, but I didn't feel any romantic connection there.

MEN (I use that term loosely), LISTEN UP. I know this is 2014 and we're all about women's equality...but you need to grow a set and be a chivalrous gentleman. Treat a woman to whatever it is you're partaking in when you ask her out. I have several guy friends who get to hear about these dates, and they can't believe it when I tell them that sometimes, men don't pay up. 

I'm headed into a bit of a dry spell after my busy weekend. I'll have to dig into the archives to pull out some older stories, so stay tuned!

Mr. Bucklist

This is an oldie but goodie. I saved this email from when I was on a paid dating site last year... it was just too good!

Let me tell you, the lack of proper grammar is a HUGE turn on for me. If I wanted to impress me, I'd definitely craft an email missing punctuation, capitalization, and full of misspelled words. +1, fella.

I also question how I got here too. Daily. Maybe it's because of my horrible taste in men, present company excluded. Like, excluded forever.

If I ever found myself on a long cruise with you, I would definitely get tears in my eyes as I contemplated jumping ship to escape you. Maybe I'd put the single flower given in surprise in my hair first, so I'd at least look pretty plunging to my death.

But thank you, kind sir, for wishing me AND everyone else I know well. First thing on the bucklist is saving this email and then running far, far, away.

The End.

Bubbles and Bacon

This is a combo post, since neither of these losers really deserve their own post. They do have at least one thing in common: they both lie!

I met both of these fellows on the same free site, and they contacted me. They actually have more in common than lying...they are both working professionals, divorced, 40s, single dads. Pretty typical dynamic for men in my age range.

Mr. Bubbles (named because of his profession) and I talked a bit online and on the phone before deciding to meet. We had to wait a bit due to kids' and work schedules, but were able to set something up for an upcoming weekend. A few days before the scheduled date, we both had a bit of free afternoon time, so we met up for coffee. Conversation was great and I thought, "Wow, maybe this could actually be someone normal to have fun with!". That weekend, a day before we were supposed to meet up again, he texted and told me that his twenty-years-younger ex-girlfriend/coworker had contacted him about getting back together and he wasn't sure what to do. He had already told me about her briefly over our coffee date. I told him to have fun with that...I wasn't about to play second fiddle to a twentysomething who he's obviously not over. Besides, a guy who's pushing 50 really has no business being with someone in their 20's...not if he's looking for anything serious. He said he tries to always be transparent and honest, apologized for the timing, and said he had to settle it either way. No harm, no foul. I liked him, but things happen.

So who do I see online that weekend, with a brand spanking new profile picture? Yeah, Mr. Bubbles. Why LIE about being honest? It's possible that things didn't work out with the ex and he thought he already shut the door with me, but that would be giving him too much credit. I'm a big girl. You can say you don't like me... everyone knows *I* have no problem saying that. Why can't others extend the same courtesy? Sigh.


That leads me to the other liar, Mr. Bacon (a fan of porcine products). Like Mr. Bubbles, I also got to the point of texting him, but we hadn't set up a date yet. One day I was chatting with one of my girlfriends, who is also a member of the same dating sites, and realized that we were both communicating with Mr. Bacon. She had a date scheduled with him and she said she would give me the juicy details. I happened to be online one day and saw he had changed his profile picture to one of him in a tshirt that said, "I sharted". Real classy for a single dad who's trying to impress the ladies, right? He changed it back shortly after, so I texted him and congratulated him on his wise choice:

Ok, so he's talking to me AND my friend (and has a date scheduled with her already), but he's not impressing any ladies? Okaaaay. So I decided to test him, and he blatantly lied about talking to other women. Since he was still shopping around and not satisfied with communicating with my friend and I, I decided to put him on blast!
 
He didn't like that very much.

Again...we are both on a dating site and presumably both talking to other people...why bother lying? You're not going to break my heart if you admit to talking to my neighborhood friend. The dating pool of quality men can get pretty shallow, and this isn't the first time a friend and I have talked to the same man (more on that later!).

Oh well. He lied and lost TWO great catches... I think he stopped talking to her also after that. Oh well, I did both of us a favor by calling him out! Enjoy your bacon, pig.