Love is in the air... just not over here.

So tonight, I went on a first date. I had been corresponding with this fellow online for a few weeks now. I was a little leery about going on another date after the events this week, but I had already made these plans before that happened. So I kept the date.

I knew from the start that he was a really nice guy, really easy to talk to, but while talking about his hobbies I got the feeling that I knew the perfect girl for him...which wasn't me! The girl I had in mind is very sweet, shares the running hobby, and like me, has had bad luck with online dating.

So we had two beers at the bar and decided to eat dinner. I let my thoughts marinate a bit. How do I tell this nice guy that I'm not interested romantically...but I know someone who might be? I finally caved towards the end of dinner. I prefaced with, "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but I think I have the perfect girl for you..." and he was totally cool with it. He admitted it had never happened to him before (and probably never will again) but it was really funny and he was totally open to talking to her. So I texted her RIGHT THERE AT THE TABLE (she thought I was nuts) and long story short, they have never met each other, but do know several of the same people. She texted one of them and that person gave her approval of my date. So I gave my friend his number, with his permission, of course, and hopefully they will be chatting this weekend!

How cool-and crazy- is that?!? At the very least, this guy has a new friend in me and another new running buddy. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and this is just too big of a coincidence. Stay tuned, I'll let you know what happens.

Mr. Gem

This story, my friends, is the story that spurred me to start this blog. I'm still not sure if it's a good or bad thing to lead with this story. On one hand, you'll definitely be intrigued, shocked, and amused. But at the same time, it might not get worse than this- it's the worst I've seen and the worst my friends have seen. But I guess I'll go for the Shock and Awe approach. No starting small here!

So Mr. Gem and I made an acquaintance on one of the free dating sites. He seemed normal enough at first. Maybe a bit nerdy, but then again, so am I- so I gave him a chance. Bad move, SingleGal. Bad move. Mr. Gem immediately wanted to do two things after we started chatting online- even before we met. One: Hide his dating profile. (RED FLAG! RED FLAG!). Two: Facebook friend right away. Despite being a little seasoned at the online dating thing, I am still way too trusting by default (well, I was until I met Mr. Gem). So we became Facebook friends. 

Mr. Gem and I went on two dates. I wasn't really feeling it after the first date (a brief meetup), and I told him as much. Honesty is the best policy, right? He asked for another chance, so I agreed to go out to dinner for a second date. At this point I was possibly interested in keeping him as a friend if the dating thing didn't work out, so I wanted to learn more about him. 

After that second date, Mr. Gem got a little, erm, fervent in his efforts to persuade me that this was IT romantically. When he sensed a bit of resistance on my part, things started to take a turn for the worse...

This guy will NOT GIVE UP!!! I don't want to bang you every night for a few hours. I don't want to bang you E-V-E-R....

 I really am saying how I feel here...but now he's getting even more aggressive! Yet willing to make compromises by not wanting a "commitment" after two dates. Oh, THANK YOU!

Hello, you didn't get laid because I wasn't into you! I needed to call it a night after that. I had already endured a bad date...wasn't that enough? Here's what I got to wake up to the next morning. YAY!! 

Wait, WHA? Two dates and I have managed to crush his heart because I am the ONE? Wow. I must really be special. Apparently enough to consume ALL of his thoughts...

 

The only thing natural happening now is my instinct to blow chunks! How can you not understand that I don't want you to fight for me??? Please, spare your ASS for someone else.

Mr. Gem, did you miss the partS where I already refused you?! Ooh, but wait, what's that part about orgasmic bliss?! Just kidding. That sounds more like orgasmic BLAHS to me...

Wait. Now I really AM confused. I was supposed to be the one, but now you're calling me bad names? But damn, I'M GOOD. I done messed you up in a week, moreso than your marital relationship of over a decade. Pat on the back for that one, Single Gal. WELL DONE.

Yeah, I decided at this point to SPELL.IT.OUT. And let him know that yes, that ticket he bought to my sporting event was no longer valid.   

Oh, FAB! For once, we are on the same page as far as refusing each other. We're making real progress at this point. But wait... you want me to pay for the dinner that YOU insisted on having? Um, no. Just no.

The BEST part, though, is the puke face. For reals. I was feeling pretty pukey myself, so I'm glad we're still on the same page. 

I'm really sorry you're so delusional, Mr. Gem. Not everyone is going to like you once they meet you, even if you REALLY like them. Get over it. It doesn't mean their opinion is false and unfounded. It's means you're a slimy twerp who has no chance in hell with them.

There's more, but it ends with me blocking contact in every possible manner and threatening police involvement. All jokes aside, lesson learned on this one: go SLOW with getting to know people, and trust your gut. I wish I would have known after the first meet that this one was a Stage 5 Clinger and a sociopath! 

I hope you'll stick around for the rest. The others (so far) are amusing, but not this shocking. I'm hoping it stays that way. I can deal with and laugh at amusing. Psycho clingers? No thanks, I've had my fair share...

This is my reality...

Hi! Welcome to my nutty world. I'm a working professional and mother. I have weathered a divorce and a failure of another LTR (well, not a complete failure... I got beautiful, amazing kids out of it). 

This story (unfortunately or not so unfortunately?) spans about a decade of my life. Lucky for you, readers, this has given me gobs and gobs of RICH material on which to draw. Buckle up! I promise it will be worth it.

In 2005, as a freshly divorced 20-something living in a major city, I wasn't really sure where to meet people. I was getting a little too old for the bar trawl and subsequent morning walks of shame (been there, done that, got some guys' tshirts). I'm scientifically minded, so I looked into joining eHarmony. This site apparently matches you on 50+ personality dimensions. Well, the matchy thing must have been smoking something that day! I probably met about 5-10 people over the course of eight months. It's been so long since then that the gory details escape me, but my single friends would sit and regale stories about our dating experiences, and I never had any shortage of laughs! I eventually met the father of my kids through eHarmony, which was funny, because we are polar opposites. We managed to make it work for a little while, but forever was not meant to be.

About two years ago, I found myself single yet again. Meeting someone in your 20s is a cakewalk compared to dating in your 30s (especially with kids in tow!) and trying to find someone who fits into ALL of your lives! As I write this, my kids have never met someone I've dated. That tells you that I'm cautious, but also that I'm not having much luck out there finding a good catch in the online dating sea. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten plenty of interest and gone on plenty of dates, but seem to meet more Mr. Wrongs than Mr. Rights. I've also met Mr. Delusionals, Mr. Clingers, Mr. Hit and Runs, Mr. Weirdos, Mr. Noncommittals. Lucky me, right? 

Look, I know I'm not perfect, but the more I see what's out there (or not out there), the more inclined I am to be TOTALLY OK with staying in and having a weekend date with Mr. Netflix. He always lets me pick the movie! I'm sad to say that when I was in my 20s, I was really depressed and sad about this scenario. I like to think I've gotten more selective about people I choose to meet in person, but the fact is, sometimes you don't get to see the full picture without meeting them first. Sometimes people just aren't what you expect. That being said... I can't really control who contacts me online, regardless of what my profile says, and lately that runs the gamut from 19 year olds (I could be your mother!) to 50 year olds (Dude, really? You could be my dad. And NO, I didn't mean *that* kind of daddy). It's amusing, to say the least.

So, dear readers, this is me going the way of the Honey Badger. You know, I don't give a shhh. If I'm going to be subjected to the weird, funny, sometimes psycho world of online dating, why not share it with you? I need you to be a little creative with me for a sec. Close your eyes and picture all of the weird shit you might see in those traveling circus freak shows. Cue the creepy carney music. Ok. Got it?

"Laaaaadies and Gentlemen! Step right up. You will be shocked. You will laugh. You might want to cry. Behold, the spectacle of the Onliiiiine Dating Scene!"



Disclaimer: Names will be changed to protect the innocent. I'm using the word innocent lightly here.