Mr. Universe and I went on one date in April. Our second was going to be around Mother's Day and he mentioned he was going to get me a gift. Aww. I love gifts from men I've been on one date with...they usually know me SO WELL. Anyway, we had some miscommunication on date day about what was going to happen on the second date (I thought we were having dinner), and late afternoon he texted me and said he had already eaten. I told him to forget the date, I needed to go grab something to eat since we weren't going out.
So I get this.
You were going to give me what, exactly?? The literal and figurative symbolism KILLS ME.
What in the world (haha- get it?) am I going to do with a FUCKING GLASS GLOBE when I have two little ones running around? Oh yes, I'll just put it over here on this table within reach of my kids, so they can bash each other in the head with it. Fan-fucking-tastic.
But seriously, besides the safety considerations, it's tacky as hell! He told me that he has lots of this special brand of shit around his house. For instance, he has some Mexican juju dolls inside a lit glass display case. For reals. If Mr. Universe knew me at all, he'd know I do not keep that kind of shit in mi casa.
And the candle, how could I forget? I wonder if he's got a prayer bench somewhere that he could pull up to the candle and fucking mourn me the right way. I wouldn't doubt it. I hope it at least smells good. Maybe it's a Jesus candle. 'Cause he does obviously know me so well.
BUT WAIT! That's not the end of the story! Now some of you Facebook friends saw some of what's about to come because it was just so freaking amusing that I had to post it, even though I didn't have time to blog about it right then and there. Several weeks go by after the above screenshot, and I delete Mr. Universe's number. Well, I receive a mystery text late one night, and since I've gotten myself ass-deep in my graveyard of buried online dating prospects, I have no idea who the fuck it is...
Oooooh....twice burned by SingleGal, and he didn't like it one bit.
Imagine if I had the Jesus candle in my arsenal...
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