Mr. Can't Follow Directions (multiple offenders)

Ok, so I'm pretty selective when it comes to responding to messages I receive online. 

I make it easy for guys- or so I think. I flat out tell them a) what I'm looking for and b) what will get a response. 

See? 

Pretty self-explanatory, right? It's obvious that I prefer a certain demographic (28 is pushing it, I admit). 

I know online dating can be pretty superficial but come on, if you're trying to impress a woman, don't just comment on her looks. And for the love of gods, use some punctuation and spell check. I have a graduate degree. It's obvious that I am well-read and well-spoken. WHY would you send me a run-on sentence to try to pique my interest? Or a "hi"? Or a stupid, lame-ass question? You obviously want to fail.

This is just a small sampling of messages I've gotten on a couple of sites within the past few months, none of which I've responded to. Enjoy. (UGH.) 

BYE!!!!

It's quite brisk, thanks for asking. Or did you ask? I didn't see a question mark in there.

 Yes, I know. And I'm even better in person- not that you'll ever get to see. 

If I could grade this guy lower than an F, I would. I can't even.

 Apparently I should have specified that a 'Hi' in Spanish doesn't count either. 

What brings me to a dating site? First, it's a DATING SITE. What do you think I'm here for, to pick out some shoes?? And second, I already explicitly stated what I'm looking for. No response for you, stupid. 

 I'm also 'to' unimpressed to write back. NEXT!!! 

Tonight I'm making fun of you on my blog. Sorry!!! 

 Again. NO. 

 What's wrong? Did you not read my Tips & Tricks section?? Plus, the only picture of you in your profile is your old ass car. I'm sure that's a real panty dropper, pal. 

 I'm sorry, buddy, this MILF isn't interested. Point your hose elsewhere.

 I am NOT your Babe. I do live the bombshell look, but only on Thursdays and Sundays. And I have been playing my sport long enough to kick your ass to the curb. 

What the what? Is that supposed to read 'Indeed'? Even if so, it STILL wouldn't be grammatically correct. Also, his tagline? What the eff does that even mean?!? 

UGH. There is maybe one good message for every ten of these losers, if that. I do not like my chances.